I'm Sorry I Called Him "Ugly"

I had a girlfriend once who I befriended in a somewhat interesting fashion, and I believe our friendship ended under similarly blog-worthy circumstances. I bring this up because after over a year of not hearing from her, she included me in a mass-distribution email to come on out and support her live in boyfriend's eco-friendly clothing line launch party thing.

Back to the beginning, one time when I was young and single, this friend of a friend came out to the birthday party for that friend at the now kaput Dublin's bar on Sunset (which is supposedly being renovated into a fancy-shmancy bar and tiny expensive food restaurant.) At the end of the night I was so bleary-eyed from vodka concoctions and test tube shots that I remember walking down the stairs in a steaming mass of humanity and thinking when did all these people get here?

My best friend had gone out to pick up his car from the $20 valet but they made him leave the driveway before I was able to get to him. On the phone with him I walked East on Sunset only to turn around West to get to him after a couple U-turns. I was walking past the newsstand and took a step into a tree planter cut out of the sidewalk and not filled quite level again. The depth differential, intoxication and heeled boots combo equaled me completely eating shit and dropping my phone in the gutter. A few strangers picked me up and as I stood, my new friend, all 5'2" of her broke through the crowd of big black guys yelling and whimsically asked, "are you OK?!" She looked like an angel with gleaming white skin and long red hair. I embraced her and asked her to get me out of there at which time the black guys started yelling, "ooooh! Kiss her! Kiss her! We'll pay you!" All I could come back with is "you wouldn't have to pay me to kiss her, but I'm not going to anyway." Thus the beginning of our friendship.

Cut to two years later and the end of our friendship isn't as clearly defined. After an unfortunate string of her dating idiot assholes, actor/waiters, users, and really hot guys with no regard for anyone else she started seeing this not hot, older but working actor (cable TV.) She was telling me about him, and how nice he was and that they'd gone out a couple times but nothing physical yet, she told me which character on my favorite show he was, and I oh-so-uncouthly blurted out with "oh my god, the ugly one?"

My roommate tried to help me back peddle and take it back with various justifications like, "well, not ugly, it's just that his character is so ugly, and he's supposed to not be as attractive as the other guys." I apologized profusely then and then again months later when she told me how much it upset her. Still things between us were never the same. Which, on the friendship scale is hardly the worst offense I could have committed and I wish she had found it within to forgive me for my stupid mistake. And I was genuinely sorry, it was semi-reprehensible to not think for a split second before I openly insulted the nice guy she was proud to be seeing.

I had called her a a couple times after that winter to let her know I was working in her area and that I could come see her if she wanted to hang out. Nothing. No returns. Which, in this city of transplant flakes is not highly unusual behavior, but then I just stopped hearing from her at all. Until...January this year, she included me in a mass email. Similar to those suburban letters families send out at Christmas time to tell everyone how successful their family has been this year. She spoke of her new Pilates studio, and included a link to the property in Venice she and her boyfriend just purchased together. Tastefully, the website included the 7-figure sticker price. I wrote her back to thank her for including me in the update and to congratulate her on all her great life stuff. Never got a reply.

Part of me wonders if she is the kind of woman who sent me that email as a "HA! Fuck you! Look how well I'm doing! So there!" If so, I would be sorely disappointed but there's just no way of knowing. And now she's done it again. Certainly she hasn't given it as much thought as I just have, and I'm glad she's happy with her life, I just wish she would either decide to get in or stay out of mine.